“No, I don’t want to get out of the pool.”
“Stop, don’t turn the TV off”!
“No, I don’t want to go to the store.”
For parents of exceptional children, these verbal protests might seem familiar. These were actual screams from my own child; albeit said a few years ago, but the screaming still rings true in my ears.
Just recently I’ve heard from parents wanting to know how to get their child to move more quickly and without a tantrum or argument. While I don’t have a magic formula to get kids to move faster, I have found a way to help calm the transitions.
Buy a timer!
That’s right—a simple timer helped me to help my kidlet get moving, and with the least amount of discussion possible.
For many children the concept of time is much too abstract for them to understand, so using a timer eliminates any doubt.
Parent’s failure to plan is not their child’s emergency
You see, for kids with learning differences, or processing challenges, it’s very difficult to suddenly change a routine without giving them notice.
Once your child is engrossed in an activity, it can be very unsettling to force your child to stop what he is doing and do something else—especially something he doesn’t want to do; like grocery shopping or leaving the playground.
Setting a timer to aid in the transition process is a positive alternative.
Seems simple enough—right?
Not so fast—there some rules for parents who decide to go this route
Using a timer might seem obvious to some parents, but think about the ways in which it’s used. If introduced slowly, parents will soon notice the benefits. It is worth trying—I mean what you have got to lose?
Keep in mind that simply setting the timer is not enough. Our special children have a variety of sensory challenges, so what we think is “doable” might seem near impossible for our son or daughter.
Remember, this is about your child—what modifications will he or she need in order for you to use the timer effectively? Imposing supports such as a timer can be a positive addition if you have a child who needs that structure.
The style and type of timer is important
Make sure your timer rings loud and for at least thirty seconds to a minute. Preferably a digital timer; these are the easiest for children to read. Plus, they can be accessed with the touch of a button.
Explain how the new timer will fit into your child’s daily routine
Timers work well when the delivery process is explained and the child knows what the expectations will be. I call this the “pre-step” and it is very important.
You are not going to be able to buy a timer and suddenly say, “When this timer goes off it’s time for bed.” On the contrary; first, you will need to explain how you plan to use the timer. For very young children, parents might need to use visual cues or sounds. For older school children, there are schedules and classroom bells anyway, so they should already understand the process.
Once the “rules” are in place, then it’s time to begin
Start by giving your child a specific event that will happen; for example, “In 5 minutes we are going to go to the grocery store.” Then set the timer for 5 minutes and place it near the child but out of reach.
When the timer goes off, go over to your child and remind him of the timer rules. If your child persists, say nothing and stop all action of what your child is doing; i.e. turn the TV or computer off, put his shoes on and go to the store.
Timers are really good for bedtime. “When the timer goes off, all books get put back on the shelf and it will be time for lights-out.”
Don’t even think about giving a “5 Minute-Warning” notice
Some parents like the idea of a “5-minute notice” which allows the child to go back and do what he was doing for another 5 minutes. Here we go round in circles.
I never recommend giving a notice for two reasons; one—your child will ultimately get comfortable with hearing a warning bell and might get confused about which one is which. And two—a warning bell only prolongs the agony. Eventually, your child will need to stop doing what he is doing and transition to whatever it is he needs to do.
It will get worse before it gets better
Parents, who are seriously concerned about behaviors, might practice using the timer until it becomes second nature for your child. Some parents even allow their child to press the “start” button for added focus. Try not to give up; this is a process which parents should tweak for the greatest benefit.
Consistency is the key
It will be so tempting to stay a little longer at the playground or at the pool, but if you set the timer and your child hears it, you absolutely must follow through. If not, and from then on, your child will think you don’t really mean it—and that’s not really fair to him.
One mom I know had a collection of timers; one in her child’s bedroom and one downstairs in her family room. She even kept one in her purse to use while she was out running errands or for an impromptu stop at the playground with her kidlet.
From about age 2 through to the teenage years, parents will find that using a timer is a good way to communicate and manage behavioral challenges with their children.
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